Confidence is a fickle thing. Many of us begin feeling it at odd times, like when we have our hair cut and dyed, or when we finally speak our mind on a topic we’ve been holding back from for some time. However, it’s also important to consider how, if we want to, we can project confidence when it’s needed.

The times where it is needed might involve when we spend time in a volunteer local sports team, wearing the threads given to us by a great sports kit designer to emphasize our colorful presence, or when we need to speak up in a new environment, or when meeting new people for the first time, or when part of an anonymous group and needing to make the first icebreaker that helps everyone start getting along.

Yet confidence isn’t always as one-note as many of us think it is. Confidence is more of a fire to be kindled than a vessel to be filled. Let’s see how that might be, below:

Don’t Force It

The hidden secret of confidence is that you don’t need to force it or worry about having it. This can help you slowly start to gather it on your own terms. Sometimes, admitting you were nervous about meeting your date can help them laugh and agree that they were, too. Too often we can pretend that we need to be confident about being something we’re not, instead of just being confidently human. This can help us adopt a more rational standard, one we’re likely to keep up on, and ironically, feel more confident about.

Be Honestly, Fabulously Yourself

It’s good to be yourself, and sometimes, that might mean celebrating some flaws you perceive yourself to have, too. So what if you’re overweight? Does that devalue you as a person? Living healthily is important of course, but you don’t have to chastise yourself into discipline. You can simply do what you can each day, and slowly seek to improve. This can help you flip the script on how you define your self-worth, coming to your own conclusions instead of falling into the ideals of others. This way, again ironically, you’re more likely to make positive and healthy changes.

#BeKind To Yourself

Be kind to yourself. This cannot be overstated. It’s important to make sure that you know that you forgive yourself if you do feel nervous, or if you don’t have the coolest joke in the room, or if you feel a little tired before going out, or if you’re not always on your a-game. This can help you feel that you don’t always have to be the most confident version of you in order to be worthwhile. This helps you avoid having to feel that being perfect in every situation is necessary for you to have a good sense of self-identification. In that light, you’ll be more confident in who you are rather than who you picture you should be.

With this advice, we know you can project confidence everywhere you go, without having to force it.