Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got married in Italy this past weekend, and I have all the exclusive details on the guest list. Except not really.
Jessica Biel finally made an honest man out of Justin Timberlake this past weekend during a ceremony in Italy. This is really depressing news for me because I had totally delirious plans of marrying him myself one day. An article over at E! Online says that they have all the details on the guest list and all that, and maybe they do. They already said that fellow NSYNC member Chris Kirkpatrick was in attendance along with Jessica’s former 7th Heaven co-star Beverly Mitchell. Other guests include Jimmy Fallon, Adam Sandberg and Johnny Wright. None of these are surprising to me, and I’m sure they’re not surprising to most of you either. So since this is one of the more private couples in Hollywood I decided to come up with a list of people who probably, most likely weren’t invited.
1) Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Scarlet Johannson, Alyssa Milano, Janet Jackson, etc. etc. etc. – Who knows, maybe Justin stayed friends with Cameron, and Jessica was totally cool with having his ex at their wedding, but who are we kidding? The rest of them, well, that’s pretty obvious.
2) Derek Jeter – This is one of Jessica’s more memorable relationships, and even if he was invited, he didn’t/wouldn’t go. Homie just went through foot surgery. Then there’s Chris Evans (thank you Lily!) who dated Jessica for several years. If Cameron wasn’t allowed, it’s pretty likely that Justin wouldn’t let her have Chris there either. That is, if we are assuming that the couple is super jealous and petty, and I doubt that.
3) Lou Pearlman – Lou used to be known as the 6th member of NSYNC, though not for positive reasons.. Pretty sure now he’s just known as that asshole in jail now. Oopsie.
4) Joey Fatone – The fellow NSYNC member didn’t attend Justin’s Italian wedding, and “didn’t know” the date when he was talking to TMZ, but is that because he wasn’t invited? And if he wasn’t, does that mean it’s safe to assume that Lance Bass didn’t get an invite either? Surely his good friend JC Chasez was there, right? They go all the way back to MMC! You can watch TMZ catch up with Joey here: Joey Fatone — NOT At Justin Timberlake’s Wedding
5) Justin Bieber – A few years ago Justin (of the Timberlake variety) wanted to sign Justin (the Biebz) to his label, but Biebz went with Usher instead. Now look, Justin is the biggest popstar since… well… Justin. JT was probably too bitter to invite the kiddo over to his wedding. Probably.
6) Backstreet Boys – I mean, they were probably just too busy promoting Old Navy….
7) Mark Zuckerberg – While Justin did star in the Academy Award winning movie ‘The Social Network‘ based on Mark’s company Facebook, Justin also happens to be heavily involved in Myspace. I don’t think Facebook and Myspace are allowed to mix. That’s like, the rules of social networking. (Note: If you didn’t get the Mean Girls reference there we can’t be friends)
8) Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis – Allegedly Justin and Mila were getting closer than necessary while filming Friends With Benefits and now that Mila is “with” Ashton they most likely needed to keep their space. Besides, Ashton totally made Justin cry during that first episode of Punk’d.
***Note: Turns out Ashton was there, though I’m not the least bit surprised. I just really wanted to talk about Justin crying on Punk’d. Television gold.
9) Kevin Federline – Back in 2002 Kevin was a background dancer for NSYNC and later went on to marry Britney Spears. (Sidenote: Kevin was their dancer right around the time Britney and Justin were breaking up and she allegedly cheated on him. Awkward.) While I’m sure that Justin isn’t pining over his lost relationship with Britney Spears (even though I am), who wants to have their ex’s ex at their wedding? Scratch that. Who wants to have KFed anywhere near them, period?
10) Lindsay Lohan – A few months ago Lindsay tweeted a picture saying that Justin was at a club cheating on Jessica (or at least according to this article). Who wants someone like that at her wedding? Even if she went on to say that her Twitter was hacked. Hashtag, rude. Besides, Lindsay can barely get her shit together lately.
I know this may come as a surprise, but I was also not invited. Right? How dare he. I did meet his lookalike once in a Bally’s gym, though. I will never forget. I was in 4th grade, aka prime NSYNC days, and my friend at the time Raechelle and I were at her mom’s work when “he” (aka random) walked in. We asked him to sign his name as Justin so we could tell all our friends the next day we had met him, and he did. Turns out he spelt the last name wrong.