Whose stupid idea was the ‘Switch Witch’? This is not how Halloween works.

I’m not sure what happened from the time that I was a child to now, but the whole principle of Halloween and trick or treating has been ruined by the Switch Witch! I do not approve.

This is real F-n stupid. Listen, I get that you don’t want your kids to eat their weight in candy. We all know that candy isn’t healthy, and it’s not crazy for parents to want to limit their kids sugar intake. But the Switch Witch? Please, shoot me in the foot now because I can’t even. So you’re going to let your kids walk around at night all dressed up to get a huuuuuge bag full of FREE candy, and then you’re going to tooth fairy their asses and take it all away and replace it with a toy instead? You’re going to take FREE CANDY and BUY A TOY to replace it with. I’m sorry…. where is the logic here? How about you just take the kids candy and give them a certain amount of it every day? How about your hide it on top of your china cabinet like my grandmother used to do to my teddy bear whenever my cousin hid it from me? Plus, little brats…. I mean…. little kids these days don’t ask for trucks and dolls. They ask for video games and a gameboy DS or something. Is that really worth it?

The video says that kids are much more excited for the switch than the candy. WELL NO SHIT. You know what I would have done for some CDs when I was a kid? Pretty much anything. Literally, that’s how my aunt was able to get my cousin George and I to do things we didn’t want to do. “Be good and you’ll get a treat!!” or “Do these math problems and you’ll get a treat!” or “Read a chapter in this book and you’ll get a treat!”. You know what the treats were? Nope, not candy. THINGS. And guess what? I still ate candy. You should be teaching your children moderation if you’re that against them eating some sweets, not teaching them to cash in on something bigger at your own expense. Though I do support you teaching them to cash in on something bigger at the expense of other people (Just like Viggle, which gives me free things to watch tv all day)

The Simpsons recently made fun of the Switch Witch, except their version featured Marge giving the kids healthy items like mouthwash instead of a toy. “This is why kids need unions”. 4 for you Bart Simpson, you go Bart Simpson. You can watch the video here: The Simpsons _ The Switch Witch.

I’d also like to pose this question: What do they do with the candy? Do they eat it themselves? Throw it all away? Give it to some homeless men on a street? The whole fun of Halloween is getting dressed up and earning all sorts of candy and then going to school and playing tradesies with your friends. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in thinking that this whole idea is real stupid. Thank you Will Kirby, my love.

UPDATE: I found a blog that discussed the Switch Witch, and got an answer to my question of what happens to the candy afterwards.

Is it weird that this really, really bothers me? How wasteful. I mean, yeah it’s just candy…. But these people went out and spent money so these kids could get free candy, and then you’re just going to throw it out and go out and spend more money on a toy. I mean, give it away at least. Why even have them go around and do trick or treating? Do you know how many public places have candy for kids like banks and doctors offices and stuff. YES, EVEN DOCTORS. I just hate when people spend money just to throw it away. It makes no sense to me, but whatever.

7 responses to “Whose stupid idea was the ‘Switch Witch’? This is not how Halloween works.

  1. I agree with you. It’s mean and wasteful. Think about all the old ladies who spend their Social Security checks on candy. If you only want your kid to have 5 prices of candy, only bring them to 5 houses. Leave the other candy for kids who will eat it. Maybe for kids whose parents can’t afford a gift for them, or can’t afford to buy them candy.

  2. Thank you so much for writing this. I watched this segment on shark tank and immediately thought it was top 5 dumbest ideas ever pitched on the show. I would have punched my parents in the face if they took my candy and gave me a damn doll. My parents were cool and allowed us this holiday time to be kids and eat a ton of candy (just making extra sure we brushed our teeth every night). You have to be the lamest, most overbearing parents on the block to actually do this to your kids. Stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

    • I’m glad to hear from other people who are in agreement! I feel like it teaches a bad lesson, not a good one, and can’t believe there are movements out there to make this a thing.

  3. Dude. My kid has type one diabetes. Halloween candy is a bloody effing nightmare. We totally do the switch witch thing… he loves it because it’s a long stretch between his birthday and Christmas and we hand out those sticky hands and glow sticks. It’s a completely legit solution to a tough problem. Chill out.

    • This is a very old post, and I think you could take your own advice in “chilling out”. Many kids have to make adjustments day-to-day for one way or another whether that is Diabetes, food allergies, disabilities, etc. If this is something that works for you, then let it work for you. My issue lies in the fact that this is being shoved in the faces of parents as the new “it” thing and I find it incredibly wasteful. That candy is very expensive, and if you want your child to go out and experience trick or treating you can do so without throwing it all away. I stand by everything I said 6 years ago. Kids don’t NEED things. And nothing is stopping from you or anyone else from giving them something as a reward for something else during the year.

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